Twain, Pain and the Fairness of Rain
By Robert Slate

England has Shakespeare's plays. China has Mao's Little Red Book. France has - well, France has Jerry Lewis and the The Nutty Professor.

But we in Connecticut have Samuel Clemens, alias Mark Twain, with his treasure trove of wisdom, aphorisms, philosophies and grievances. And writing more than a hundred years ago, Connecticut's finest social satirist could think of no greater accomplishment than the eradication of the pain associated with oral health care - that is, with bad teeth. Yes, in Europe and Elsewhere, Twain wrote:

I have every confidence that I can eventually prove to everyone's satisfaction that a dentist's nerve-stab produces pleasure; and not only that, but the most exquisite pleasure, the most perfect felicity which we are capable of feeling. I would not ask more than to be remembered hereafter as the man who conferred this priceless benefaction upon his race.

No one is quite sure how Twain planned to pull off his magical dental anesthesia. Hypnosis, perhaps? Opium? Humor? But surely he would have agreed that we in contemporary Connecticut must stop relegating oral health care and insurance to third-class status. Not only is dental disease nothing to grin about - it is the most common chronic disease of children. Uninsured children are 2.5 times less likely than insured children to receive dental care. Nationally, children miss some 51 million hours of hours of school time with dental care. And one in ten Americans beyond 18 has no remaining natural teeth!

We must start treating our children with regular, preventive oral health care before they wake in pain - before they must be brought to the emergency room. We all know what an ounce of prevention is worth. Pay dentists fairly to treat low-income children, starting at an early age. Educate the public about the necessity of preventive oral care. Treat the mouth with our hearts and our heads. Quality, affordable oral healthcare for the entire nation - now that's something to smile about!

Current misguided plans to cut adult and children's oral health care by eviscerating Husky, Medicaid, SAGA, and safety-net programs should be shelved for good. Once again, the Governor wants to slice $10 million from adult oral health services - this time without even the pretense that some of the funds might go towards children's dental care! These morally-bankrupt schemes should be warehoused on the very back shelves where we keep Twain's many failed plays (who can forget, or remember, "A Sin, The Heathen Chinee,") and aging Betamax copies of that noted Oscar non-contender, The Disorderly Orderly.

If we don't act soon, we may have the ghost of Mr. Twain to answer to. "The rain ... falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs," Twain explained. "No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors I would drown him."

Let's hope we won't need our umbrellas anytime soon. It is simply too easy to dismiss oral health as "cosmetic" and slice it to the budgetary bone. Our elected officials must take steps now to prevent the injustice in oral health care. To close with a last bit of Mr. Twain's wisdom, "Always do right. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."